Continued from last weeks introduction of Shyin Long, aka, Ice from Murder Creek.
Shy surveyed the scene, trying to look casual while calculating a good place to dive for cover.
The ‘workin’ gals’ hung off the curb, whispering to one another, probably deciding the pecking order of who would smack her first. Against her better judgment, Shy turned from them to whisper into her cell.
“My feet are killing me, my nose is frozen, and I stick out like a yellow sprinkle in a batch of chocolate.”
The laugh on the other end of the line made her want to reach through the phone and strangle her back-up man.
“I’m serious, Clyps. This guy better show because the natives are already E-Baying my jacket.”
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29 comments:
I like her attitude. It made me laugh.
I love her !! ebaying my jacket - oh you have a perfect voice and sharp wit - beautiful
I like her. And Allure is the perfect pen name. Love it.
Very original. Great read. Love the last line.
Great character voice!
FABULOUS- love the humor- great 6
Dawne P
Love the humor in this. Vivid descriptions and voice.
Great snippet!
Wonderful voice and wit! Nice six.
The natives are ebaying my jacket! Love it!
Great six delivered with witty humor and a cynical eye.
I love her attitude! Fantastic six!
Last line made me chuckle. Nice six!
I love your original simile: ...like a yellow sprinkle in a batch of chocolate. And your "E-Baying my jacket" made me chuckle. Good writing.
LMAO!!!!! ebaying my jacket!!!! Well done!
Her voice is very strong. Great six!
"Ebaying my jacket" is a great line! And brings her voice across loud and clear. I'm glad to know she has back-up! Great six.
Great voice. Nicely done.
Great funny but suspenseful six, I love a heroine with attitude in the face of a risky situation!
Love the 'yellow sprinkle in a batch of chocolate' LOL. Nice six!
This was so believable. And I really liked her right off.
I actually stopped to consider a yellow sprinkle... very vivid.
I think she needs to RUN!
I love your voice! This extract alone had me laughing out loud. Good job!
LOL I like this girl, her chocolate comment, and about the natives E-baying her jacket! hehe Love the voice! Fab six x
Love her voice. Her wit made me chuckle.
An ominous situation emphasized through humor - I LOVE it! She sounds like a whirlwind of a character!
I just love the descriptions and the dialogue in this. :)
Great job, Allure! Loved it and the dialogue was original.
LOL! She'd better hope that's all that's on their minds. Yikes.
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