Sunday, May 1, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday #2

Continued from last weeks introduction of Shyin Long, aka, Ice from Murder Creek.


Shy surveyed the scene, trying to look casual while calculating a good place to dive for cover.

The ‘workin’ gals’ hung off the curb, whispering to one another, probably deciding the pecking order of who would smack her first. Against her better judgment, Shy turned from them to whisper into her cell.

“My feet are killing me, my nose is frozen, and I stick out like a yellow sprinkle in a batch of chocolate.”

The laugh on the other end of the line made her want to reach through the phone and strangle her back-up man.

“I’m serious, Clyps. This guy better show because the natives are already E-Baying my jacket.”




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29 comments:

J.A. Beard said...

I like her attitude. It made me laugh.

sue said...

I love her !! ebaying my jacket - oh you have a perfect voice and sharp wit - beautiful

graylinfox said...

I like her. And Allure is the perfect pen name. Love it.

Cara Bristol said...

Very original. Great read. Love the last line.

Susanna Fraser said...

Great character voice!

An Open Book said...

FABULOUS- love the humor- great 6
Dawne P

Cate Masters said...

Love the humor in this. Vivid descriptions and voice.

Carolyn Rosewood said...

Great snippet!

Monica Enderle Pierce said...

Wonderful voice and wit! Nice six.

writeintention said...

The natives are ebaying my jacket! Love it!

Gem Sivad said...

Great six delivered with witty humor and a cynical eye.

Sarah Grimm said...

I love her attitude! Fantastic six!

Vivien Jackson said...

Last line made me chuckle. Nice six!

Sandy Nachlinger said...

I love your original simile: ...like a yellow sprinkle in a batch of chocolate. And your "E-Baying my jacket" made me chuckle. Good writing.

Shelly said...

LMAO!!!!! ebaying my jacket!!!! Well done!

Lisa Kumar said...

Her voice is very strong. Great six!

Jenna Jaxon said...

"Ebaying my jacket" is a great line! And brings her voice across loud and clear. I'm glad to know she has back-up! Great six.

Taryn Kincaid said...

Great voice. Nicely done.

Lynne Murray said...

Great funny but suspenseful six, I love a heroine with attitude in the face of a risky situation!

Eleri Stone said...

Love the 'yellow sprinkle in a batch of chocolate' LOL. Nice six!

Saranna DeWylde said...

This was so believable. And I really liked her right off.

I actually stopped to consider a yellow sprinkle... very vivid.

diannehartsock said...

I think she needs to RUN!

Zee Monodee said...

I love your voice! This extract alone had me laughing out loud. Good job!

JoAnne Kenrick said...

LOL I like this girl, her chocolate comment, and about the natives E-baying her jacket! hehe Love the voice! Fab six x

Jean Davis said...

Love her voice. Her wit made me chuckle.

Roberta Walker said...

An ominous situation emphasized through humor - I LOVE it! She sounds like a whirlwind of a character!

Pippa Jay said...

I just love the descriptions and the dialogue in this. :)

Tiphanie Thomas said...

Great job, Allure! Loved it and the dialogue was original.

Dee Carney said...

LOL! She'd better hope that's all that's on their minds. Yikes.